December can be a beautiful month.

It can also be a loud one.

More ads. More wish lists. More pressure. More stuff.

And for many parents, especially those raising teens and young adults, there’s a quiet fear humming underneath it all:

Am I raising a grateful human… or an entitled one?

That question doesn’t make you a bad parent. It makes you an aware one.

Because entitlement doesn’t usually show up as “spoiled.”

It shows up as impatience.

Expectation.

Disappointment when things don’t go their way.

A subtle belief that life should be easier than it is.

And December, with all its gifting and excess, can amplify that fast.

The goal isn’t to strip the joy out of the holidays or swing to the other extreme. Gratitude doesn’t grow through guilt, lectures, or withholding good things “to teach a lesson.”

It grows through character, modeling, and meaning.

Entitlement Isn’t a Character Flaw. It’s a Skill Gap.

Most kids and young adults aren’t entitled because they’re selfish.

They’re entitled because they haven’t yet built the skills to:

• Tolerate disappointment

• Appreciate effort they didn’t see

• Understand sacrifice that wasn’t theirs

That’s not a moral failure. It’s a developmental one.

And development requires guidance, not shame.

At 4 Peaks Parents, we talk a lot about building capacity, not compliance. Gratitude is no different. It’s something you build over time, through experience and reflection.

Model Gratitude Before You Demand It

If we want our kids to be grateful, they need to see gratitude in action.

That doesn’t mean forced thank‑yous or public performances of appreciation. It means narrating real life:

• “I’m really grateful we could sit down together tonight.”

• “That was frustrating, but I’m glad we worked through it.”

• “I appreciate you helping, even when you didn’t feel like it.”

Gratitude starts as a lens, not a list.

Your kids learn more from how you handle stress, disappointment, and abundance than from any lecture about “being thankful.”

Shift the Focus From Stuff to Story

One of the simplest ways to combat entitlement during a gift‑heavy season is to anchor the holidays in story instead of stuff.

That might look like:

• Sharing family stories about past holidays, struggles, or growth

• Talking about what different seasons of life required from you

• Reflecting together on wins and losses from the year

Not in a forced “gratitude circle” way, but in a human way.

“What surprised you this year?”

“What was harder than you expected?”

“What are you proud of yourself for?”

Reflection builds meaning. Meaning builds gratitude.

Use Service to Build Perspective, Not Superiority

Service can be powerful, but only if it’s done with humility.

Volunteering, helping neighbors, or supporting a cause can open kids’ eyes, but only when it’s framed as connection, not comparison.

The message isn’t:

“Look how lucky you are.”

It’s:

“Look how connected we all are.”

Service should invite curiosity and empathy, not guilt or moral hierarchy.

Let Joy and Gratitude Coexist

Here’s the part parents often get wrong:

You don’t have to choose between joy and character.

Your kids can enjoy gifts and learn gratitude.

They can feel excitement and understand effort.

They can receive and reflect.

Entitlement grows when joy is disconnected from meaning.

Gratitude grows when joy is integrated into a bigger picture.

The Bigger Picture

If you’re worried about entitlement this season, that’s not a sign you’re failing. It’s a sign you care deeply about who your child is becoming.

At 4 Peaks Parents, we help families zoom out from the moment and focus on the long game: building resilient, grounded, values‑driven young adults who can handle abundance and adversity.

This season doesn’t need to be perfect.

It needs to be intentional.

And if you’re feeling unsure how to strike that balance between generosity and limits, you don’t have to figure it out alone.

That’s the work we do together.

Be well & have courage,

Thomas M. Miller, LICSW