Don’t Disappear While Your Child Is Struggling

When your kid is in crisis, everything narrows.

Your focus tightens.
Your nervous system stays on high alert.
Your life quietly goes on pause.

I see this all the time with parents of teens and young adults who are struggling with mental health, addiction, or feeling completely stuck. Good parents. Loving parents. Parents who would do anything to help their child.

And without realizing it, they disappear.

Not physically.
Emotionally.

They stop taking walks.
They stop seeing friends.
They stop doing the things that ground them.
They stop noticing beauty, joy, or even rest.

They tell themselves, “I’ll come back to life once my kid is okay.”

Here’s the hard truth I want you to hear:

That day may not come the way you think it will.
And waiting for it is costing you more than you realize.

Your Life Did Not End Because Your Child Is Struggling

Let me be very clear about something.

Taking care of yourself is not abandonment.
It is not selfish.
And it is not a distraction from helping your child.

It is a prerequisite.

When parents put their entire lives on hold, they often think they’re being supportive. But what actually happens is something very different:

• They become depleted
• They lose perspective
• They lead from panic instead of clarity
• They react instead of respond
• They unintentionally increase pressure in the home

Your child doesn’t need a parent who is constantly hovering, watching, worrying, and bracing for impact.

They need a parent who is regulated.

Grounded Parents Create Safer Homes

I often tell parents this:

Your nervous system sets the emotional temperature of your home.

If you are constantly anxious, tense, or exhausted, your child feels it, even if you never say a word. Especially teens and young adults. They are exquisitely sensitive to emotional shifts.

When you take time to ground yourself, you are not escaping reality. You are strengthening your capacity to face it.

Grounding looks like:

• Going for a walk without guilt
• Moving your body
• Sitting in nature
• Noticing something beautiful
• Laughing when the moment allows
• Breathing deeply instead of holding your breath all day

These moments are not luxuries. They are regulation tools.

And regulated parents make better decisions.

You Don’t Need Permission to Be Human

One of the most heartbreaking things I hear parents say is:

“I feel bad enjoying anything when my kid is hurting.”

I understand that instinct. But here’s what I want you to consider:

Your child does not benefit from you suffering alongside them.

They benefit from you modeling resilience, steadiness, and self-respect.

When you take care of yourself, you show them:

• Life doesn’t stop because things are hard
• You can feel pain and still move forward
• You don’t have to disappear when life gets messy

That lesson matters more than most parents realize.

Staying Present in Your Own Life Helps You Stay Present in Theirs

Parents who completely abandon themselves often burn out. And burned-out parents struggle to lead, set boundaries, or hold steady when things get tough.

Staying connected to your own life:

• Preserves your identity
• Keeps your thinking clear
• Helps you respond instead of react
• Gives you emotional bandwidth when your child needs it most

You are not doing this wrong if you need space, rest, or moments of joy. You are doing this wisely.

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

If your child is struggling and you feel like you’re carrying the weight of it alone, please hear this:

You don’t need all the answers.
You don’t need a perfect plan.
And you don’t need to sacrifice yourself to prove your love.

You need support.
You need guidance.
And you need permission to stay alive in your own life while you help your child find their footing. 

Ready to take the first step toward a more connected, resilient family?

👉 Watch my full video to learn more about building these skills on my website!

👉 Or, book a free strategy call with me today

Let’s create the family dynamic you’ve always dreamed of, one step at a time.

Be well & have courage,
Thomas M. Miller, LICSW