Parenting teens can feel like walking through a storm—you’re trying to calm their anxiety, ease their fears, and reassure them every step of the way. But what if I told you that sometimes reassurance does more harm than good?

In my recent podcast episode, “Stop Reassuring/Accommodating Your Kids,” I tackle this exact challenge that so many parents face. Reassuring your teen over and over, even with the best intentions, can unintentionally fuel their anxiety and make things worse.

Let’s dive into why that happens and what you can do instead.

Why Reassurance Can Backfire

When our teens express fear, stress, or overwhelm, our natural instinct as parents is to fix it. We say things like:
• “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine.”
• “It’s not that big of a deal.”
• “You’ve got this!”

While these statements come from a place of love, they often dismiss how our teens are feeling. The unintended message they hear is: “My feelings aren’t valid, and I can’t trust myself.”

And when we repeatedly accommodate their worries—like letting them avoid situations that make them uncomfortable—we reinforce the idea that those situations are too big for them to handle.

So how can we offer support without feeding the anxiety?
1. Acknowledge and Validate Their Feelings
• Instead of jumping to fix things, say: “I hear you. That sounds really tough. Can you tell me more about what’s going on?”
• Teens want to feel seen and heard, not dismissed.

2. Focus on Growth, Not Perfection
• Remind them that it’s okay to feel uncomfortable—it’s part of learning and growing.
• Encourage small steps forward rather than promising an unrealistic outcome.

3. Model Calm Confidence
• Your teen will take cues from you. Stay calm, confident, and grounded, even if they’re spiraling.
• Show them through your actions that they can trust themselves to handle challenges.

Want More Tools Like This? Check out my podcast today!

This episode is packed with practical strategies to help you break the reassurance cycle and empower your teen to build resilience.

If you’re feeling stuck or overwhelmed as a parent, you’re not alone. I’ve spent over 20 years helping parents navigate the challenges of raising teens. Whether it’s rebuilding trust, managing behaviors, or regaining your confidence, I’m here to help.

📞 Book a FREE strategy call with me today

Let’s take the first step toward creating the family life you want.

Parenting teens is hard work. But with the right tools and mindset, you can navigate even the toughest moments. Start by focusing less on fixing and more on empowering.

Until next time,
Thomas Miller
4 Peaks Parents Program