If you’re a parent of a teen or young adult, this question might sound familiar:

“Is my child’s substance use just experimentation… or something more concerning?”

It’s a tricky line to walk—and one that many families misjudge until it’s too late.

As a therapist and parenting coach with over 23 years of experience, I’ve sat across from thousands of teens and young adults. I’ve seen how quickly curiosity can turn into risky use—and how often well-meaning parents minimize the signs along the way.

That’s why I recorded this week’s podcast episode to help parents better understand the 5 stages of substance use—and what to watch for at home.

Today, I want to share some of the key insights from that episode to give you a head start.

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The 5 Stages of Substance Use

Teen and young adult substance use doesn’t happen all at once. It tends to follow a predictable progression:

1️⃣ Experimentation
Curiosity is normal. Many teens will try alcohol or other substances once or twice due to peer pressure or curiosity. This doesn’t necessarily signal a bigger issue—but it’s important to stay aware of what happens next.

2️⃣ Social/Occasional Use
The teen begins using substances in certain social settings—at parties or with particular friends. There’s often an identity forming here: “This is what we do when we hang out.” While still occasional, patterns are emerging.

3️⃣ Regular Use
This is where concern should start to rise. A regular pattern of use develops—even if the teen is still functioning well in school or sports. Parents often miss this stage because major consequences haven’t appeared yet.

4️⃣ Risky Use/Abuse
Now, use is starting to interfere with daily life. Relationships, school performance, and responsibilities begin to suffer. The teen may also use substances to cope with stress or emotional pain. This is the point where professional support becomes critical.

5️⃣ Dependency/Addiction
At this stage, the teen feels a psychological or physical need to use. Quitting becomes difficult, and substance use dominates decision-making. The risks—to health, relationships, and future opportunities—escalate dramatically.

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Warning Signs Parents Often Miss

One of the biggest mistakes I see is that many parents only react when there’s a big consequence—like an arrest or a DUI.

But the earlier signs are often subtle:

✅ Changes in mood or behavior
✅ New friend groups or withdrawal from old ones
✅ Unusual sleep patterns or constant fatigue ✅ Declining school performance or loss of interest in activities
✅ Increased secrecy or defensiveness
✅ Physical signs (bloodshot eyes, unusual smells, slurred speech)
✅ Using substances alone

Even seemingly “small” consequences—like falling out with a friend or starting to miss important commitments—can signal a dangerous shift.

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Why Today’s Landscape Is Different

Another important reality: today’s substances aren’t what they used to be.

Modern cannabis products, for example, are dramatically more potent than in past generations. Vaping, high-THC concentrates, and polysubstance use are more common—and they impact the developing brain far more severely than most parents realize.

Even if you experimented in your own teen years, it’s important not to compare today’s risks to your own experience. The game has changed.

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What You Can Do (Starting Now)

If you’re worried about your child’s substance use, here are a few steps you can take today:

✔️ Stay curious, not accusatory.
Instead of reacting in fear or anger, ask open-ended questions. “I’ve noticed some changes—how are you feeling about things lately?” Your goal is to maintain connection and keep communication open.

✔️ Focus on small conversations.
Don’t plan a single “big talk.” Instead, look for moments to weave in values, concerns, and encouragement in an ongoing way. Consistency matters more than a lecture.

✔️ Watch for patterns, not just one-time behaviors.
One night out isn’t necessarily a problem. But when behaviors start to repeat—missing commitments, changes in friend groups, regular secrecy—that’s a signal to pay closer attention.

✔️ Get support if needed.
If you’re seeing signs of regular or risky use, don’t wait. Professional guidance can help you navigate the next steps and protect your child’s future.

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Learn More

If this topic resonates with you, I encourage you to listen to this week’s full episode of the 4 Peaks Parents Podcast:
🎧 From Curiosity to Concern: Understanding the Stages of Teen and Young Adult Substance Abuse (Part 1 - don't miss part 2 dropping tomorrow)

In the episode, I go deeper into:
✅ How to have better conversations with your child
✅ How to recognize your own blind spots as a parent
✅ What parents can do to protect the developing brain
✅ The most common patterns I’ve seen after two decades of coaching and therapy
✅ Why minimizing can delay the help your child may desperately need

👉 Wherever you listen to your podcasts? Apple, Spotify, YouTube—this episode is live now.

And if you want personal support or if you’re worried about what’s happening in your home, I invite you to book a free call here:
👉 https://calendly.com/thomasmillercoaching/30m-appointments

You don’t have to navigate this alone. And the sooner you take action, the better the outcome can be.

Be well & have courage,
Thomas M. Miller, LICSW